when all the pieces fall apart

2006-01-31T10:06:00.000-06:00

this no longer appeals to me.

my heart

2006-01-17T16:11:00.000-06:00

I want to be a better mom. It is not the only area I am working on improving, but it is going to be a start. Check out the new site.

2005-12-15T10:28:00.000-06:00

You should come out on Saturday, if only to see Branum as an honorary member of Poison (yes, he will be wearing tights, but no that is not a pic of Poison)

or my gnarly Cyndi Lauper tutu.

Still need inspiration? Here you go...

there are some things you just can't teach

2005-12-01T09:10:00.000-06:00

"Mom" "Dad"

"Mom's Sisters"

"Sister's Fiance with Our Daughter"

PSYCHE!

2005-11-28T15:23:00.000-06:00

It's like a totally 80's party...you should come. No seriously, you should.

2005-11-15T12:50:00.000-06:00

we worked our tail ends off this weekend at our house. its a new noble family thing- noble workday. we all go to one another's houses and help out with various projects on the weekends, about once a month. this past weekend was our day. everyone in the family knows that branum is a nut job when it comes to physical labor, so i am sure that they were expecting to get seriously worked. boy were we. we sanded on our fence (with electric drills with wire brushes attached), hung gates (as you seen in the pic) and placed the top bar across the entry way. it looks rad, but that was where things got hairy. the bar was to be set at 14'3" above the driveway. the front end loader we had borrowed only got it lifted up about 8'. long story short, we had all the guys on really tall ladders using all their strength to get the bar lifted the rest of the way up, and then holding on for dear life, while branum ran from ladder to ladder, and up them to weld the piece in place. branum's mom did a lot of praying while all of us thought up our escape plans should the bar fall. but, we accomplished the task, safely, and left it alone for the rest of the day because it was just too windy to be that high up on a ladder. well, last night i called branum to tell him that i was on my way home. he informed me that he was up finishing the welding on the cross bar. are you kidding me? wait until i get home, please branum. so at least i can call 911 if something happens. he refused. as i pulled around the corner, i saw the ladder still standing. i felt a wave of relief rush over me because that surely meant he was finished, safely. but, when i got to the driveway, there he was laying completely torqued on the gravel beneath the bar as if he had fallen from the ladder. my heart dropped and my mind was racing as i slammed the car into park and got my phone out to dial 911. i was so relieved that maryn was asleep and i prayed that she stayed that way. a million things were rushing through my head as i tried to process what was happening. all of this took place in the span of only a brief second.

and then, my evil husband jumped up and smiled. he was just screwing with me. he saw me come around the corner and got down on the ground to fake like he had fallen. as the tears flowed freely down my cheek, he realized that this probably wasn't the best idea he had ever had. i am still a little shaky today rethinking those emotions. what would i do without branum. what if he had really fallen from that ladder and seriously injured himself? i couldnt bare to think about it. but, at that moment, when he jumped up...

i felt a serious desire to be the one who seriously injured him.

2005-10-31T13:25:00.000-06:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

Not OK

2005-10-26T12:36:00.000-05:00

I really enjoy country living. At first, I was worried that I would never get used to it, but now I really like how I can sit in my hot tub and look up at the stars (naked if I so choose).

However, this morning I found a lizard in my car and it scurried away before I could get it out. That is just f'ing wrong. Not OK. Absolutely, not OK.

6 Months Old

2005-10-25T15:25:00.000-05:00

Stinker,
Mommy is a slacker. I am very sorry, because you actually turned 6 months old 4 days ago, and I am just now getting around to this. I apologize booger.

You know, I had a million parents tell me that "time would fly" once I had a baby, and I laughed them off. But, as usual, it turns out they were right. YOU ARE HALF A YEAR OLD!!! Wow. You are growing like a weed (16 lbs, 14 oz; 26 1/2" long as of your 6 month wellcheck) and reaching so many milestones that I just watch you in awe. But, along with the preciousness, you have also learned to work your parents. I knew you would be good at it someday, I just didn't expect it so soon. Yes, we are at your beck and call but you do not have to take advantage of that. That little thing where you stick your bottom lip out a mile makes your sweet mommy willing to kill for you.
You have been smiling with a direct purpose for a while now, which is super cute. But, this month you started cackling. We are talking a serious, out loud, nobody will miss this, laugh and it just about puts your momma over the edge. I could spend most of my waking hours tickling you just to hear you laugh. And baby girl, when you get your teeth, you are going to have a beauty queen smile. We can thank your daddy for that huge mouth!Little MG, you eat everything that you can get your hands on. Your G-ma took you to a bank opening a few weeks ago, just to show you off. Well, all the other little old ladies there wanted to hold you too. However, you refused to let go of, we will call her "Ruth", because apparently she was wearing orange flavored hand lotion. Honey, you sucked on her fingers and arm until G-ma finally tore you away. When she told me that story, it made me a little ill. Oh well, as I like to say, you will never get immunity if you never experience the germs. These days it is any toy that will fit in your mouth. We had to get you an elephant so that you could suck on it's trunk. Here is the thing: I can't wait to watch you grow, but it breaks my heart to realize how much has already happened. I couldn't wait for you to crawl...

...and start pulling up on things...

...but now I wish I could go back and relive it all. No matter how rotten things get, when you look at me with that admiration I want to hold you, and hug you, and kiss you all over. (I will try to stop doing that by the time you get to elementary school) You are an absolutely amazing creation and the sweetest little thing. Daddy and I are lucky to have you Miss Marynski.

Have I mentioned you can read now too?

Ok, not really, but you are "advanced" (direct quote from pediatrician, repeated frequently by proud mom!). People probably would have picked up on the fact that the book is upside down eventually. Come to think of it, you don't even sit still long enough for me to read to you!

i was tagged

2005-10-17T10:58:00.000-05:00

Thanks Alexis. Here you go...23rd post, 5 sentence.

"i started this blog to have a little fun; maybe tell a funny story here and there or just journal my thoughts."

Apparently my post was in the heat of the election and this was my answer to challenges about my political beliefs and why I was not planning political posts on my blog. So, there you go. Enjoy.

and now i tag- Jessica, Erica, Whitney, Zane, and Laura Beth!

Find your 23rd post in your archives, and post the 5th sentence from that post! If you don't have that many posts, you need to get to work!

Komen Race for the Cure

2005-10-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

All bundled up
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

Maryn won her age division at this week's Race for the Cure. That's my girl!

She Wore a Raspberry Beret

2005-10-06T10:34:00.000-05:00

Birthday Flowers

2005-10-05T10:21:00.000-05:00

Birthday Flowers
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

I had a great birthday. I didn't expect much out of it and pretty much figured on a let down. I am past the party it up stage, and I had to work and even Branum was not going to be able to celebrate with me. But, in the end, my friends and family really took care of me! Thanks for the calls and blog shout-outs; thanks for the OC-Second Season on DVD; thanks for the beautiful flowers and the sweet cards; and thanks for just loving on me. These past couple of weeks have been really rough on me and I am happy to say that I went to sleep last night with a smile on my face. Thanks, all of you, for making me feel special.

2005-09-30T10:07:00.000-05:00

These past few weeks have been rough on me. I am exhausted, school and work have been wearing me out and precious Maryn has been really sick. My attitude has reflected my negativity. I have been highly critical of almost everything I have been a part of. I hate it when I act like that. So, here are some ramblings that makes me feel better about life.

I hereby promise to read to read to my daugher and help her with her spelling homework.

This sign was in the first window of the drive through of the Burger King on 19th. Wow.

The good news is that my sweet girl is already "The Thinker". Even when she sleeps, she is in deep thought.

Mornings are really hard. Especially if the little angel wakes up before I am finished getting ready. This morning was no exception. But, when I stepped outside into the cool crisp morning and saw the sun burning bright, just over the horizon, I couldn't help but think about how lucky I was. Thanks for the reminder Big Guy.

2005-09-28T09:32:00.000-05:00

The Atlanta Braves clinched the NL East for the 14th consecutive time last night. Thanks Phillies, for your assistance. It looks good that they might catch the Astros in the first round again. Anyone want to go to Houston?

Justin

2005-09-26T15:55:00.000-05:00

Justin and Kristin
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

Alright, so everyone knows what happened to Justin, but I have gotten multiple requests for pics of the damage. So, here you go! This is after VAST improvement! Poor Just!

tuesday night, last night and tonight

2005-09-23T10:02:00.000-05:00

party at our house tonight. come out anytime after 8 p.m. bring something to throw on the grill if you would like, and BYOB of course. give me a shout if you plan to come out. EDIT: if you would like coors light out of the keg, bring a couple bucks and we will refill it if it's empty. that is all.

more importantly, MARYN CRAWLED LAST NIGHT!!! I kid you not. i was playing with the little angel on a blanket on the floor. she looked at me, and her little giraffe across the distance of the blanket and took off. it was A-MAZ-ING! i thought it might have been a fluke, and no one else was there to witness it. but, moments later, Carol and Branum got there and they too saw our little genious. she has been able to manuever herself across a room for a while now, but this was serious crawling. the real thing. my goodness gracious, i am a proud mama!

and, an update on justin. many of you probably read adam's post about my bro-in-law taking a softball to the eye on tuesday night. things didn't look so great at first, but all is much better now. he doesn't look so hot, but he doesn't have any damage to his vision or anything REALLY important like that. he broke all the bones around his left eye, and all the bones under his right eye and has damage to his sinuses. the good news is that he just has to let things heal up, and there will not be any surgery involved. justin has no intentions of pitching or playing anywhere in the infield EVER AGAIN!

The Mr. and Mrs.

2005-09-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

sneaking a kiss
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

I decided to upload our wedding pictures (over 2 years old) to my flickr, for your enjoyment. So, if you are bored...

5 Months Old

2005-09-21T15:32:00.000-05:00

Little MG,
Today, you are 5 months old, and your momma is amazed! Everyday you learn something new that absolutely floors me. After several weeks of effort, you finally have all 5 toes (or both big toes) in your mouth. Who would have thought you would have that type of flexilibity coming from me and your daddy?
We recently fed you solid food for the first time. Believe me, I had no interest in trying it, so I don't blame you for pushing it all out of your mouth.

Today, you talked all the way to your G-ma's house. No, they were not actual words, but I can see that you are trying desperately to speak to me. You have the inflection in your voice, and the movement of your lips all down, you just don't quite understand pronounciation. If I had my wish, you would be able to say "I love you mommy" but not yet be able to talk back! You look Wiggles the worm right in the eyes and tell him exactly what you are thinking but you are not yet willing to share with your mom and dad.

Everyday, you make more and more expressions that remind me of your father. It is just adorable. My only hope is that you don't look like that little girl we saw at Chili's the other day who was an exact replica of her father. I mean, your dad is a handsome man, but you are a girl, and I would prefer you look like one.

I could go on forever about all the incredible things that you have done this month, but I will spare you the details. Thank you for sharing your sweet smile and adorable giggle with me. It is those little moments that sustain me. Mommy loves you!

me.

2005-09-19T15:05:00.000-05:00

I have been doing a lot of soul searching recently. I've been examining who I am and who I want to be, and that involves remembering what makes me, me. Some of that reflection is hard on my heart, but I have no intentions of forgetting where I came from. Without too much ridiculous detail, hopefully, I am going to jot down some of the things that I have been thinking about. (It is highly likely that this is going to become a multi-day post.)

My dad is an alcoholic. He is sober now and has been for a little over 3 years. However, he is not a recovering alcoholic. He just simply quit drinking. He still has a hole in his heart that he fed with alcohol and could choose to feed it that same way again, without thinking it was a problem. I remember multiple situations where I was scared for my life because my dad was drunk off his ass. And I also remember that I spent most of my childhood trying to be “cool” with my dad. I wasn’t a boy, but I did the best I could to be as close to one as possible. I played all the sports and tried desperately for my dad’s approval. I never really got it. Dad showed up to championship games as if to claim that he had been a part of it when in reality he had never once driven me to practice, nor had he shown up to the less important games. In about 2 weeks, a few days after my 25th birthday, my dad will finally have the son he has always wanted. It makes me want to puke. But hey, why not, 4th wife, 4th kid, it works for him. My parents have been divorced since I was 5. So far, this marriage is a record for him. I hope it works out, for the good of the kid.

I lived with my grandparents (and my mom and sisters) for most of elementary school, and all of junior high. To this day, I do not know what I would have done without my Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Dick. Their influence has been and always will be the most positive influence I have ever had. But, my grandmother is a martyr; she doesn’t think that I should do anything for myself, but instead I should give it all to those around me. I agree, to a point. But what good am I to my family, if I am empty inside because I gave everything I had without saving an ounce for myself?

My mom is incredible, though very difficult. She has always been a rock for me and my sisters, even though her decision making could be questioned as well. My mom has always talked about how unselfish she is. I have always felt that talking about how unselfish you are makes you pretty selfish. But her love has been steadfast, and her advice unmatchable. She is who I want to be, and who I refuse to be, all in one.

These people are who make me who I am. I take the good with the bad. I come by my addictions honestly and I am a glutton for punishment. I have always compared my scars with others because it was all I thought that I had. The truth is that life wouldn't be very exciting if it was a cake walk. If I didn't have obstacles to overcome, I would never strive to become more. All of these factors, small or large have impacted my decision making throughout my life and will probably continue to.

More to come.

baseball!

2005-09-19T09:19:00.000-05:00

anyone want to go the rangers game vs. angels, Oct. 1st, 7:05 p.m. in Arlington? 2 tickets, including parking pass and passes to the Gold Club. Fireworks show following the game. Tickets are approx. 10 rows behind homeplate (exact location to anyone interested). Comment if you are interested. we cant afford to go...sad times.

december graduates

2005-09-15T15:38:00.000-05:00

hey folks, we are starting to plan/think about branum's graduation party this december. we are planning something huge, so we thought some of y'all (other dec grads) might want in on it. let me know if you are interested, so that you can voice an opinion in the planning process. and, seriously, dream big.

its the little things in life

2005-09-14T12:40:00.000-05:00

ALMOST GOT
IT...
"SUCK"CESS!

Gorgeous.

2005-09-08T09:51:00.000-05:00

gorgeous
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

Wow. I am biased, but my gosh, Maryn Grace just melts my heart.

more!

2005-09-07T11:40:00.000-05:00

Clearly, I have found a new fun website to upload my videos too. So, here is one of Maryn playing in her exersaucer. I hope to be able to add sound someday becuase her precious gurgles are pretty adorable!

2005-09-06T15:27:00.000-05:00

and my dear jessica leannica

2005-09-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

oh greta...so special

TAG!

2005-09-01T15:06:00.000-05:00

Tag, You're It!
Okay, here's the tag from Jessica! My top ten favorite songs at this moment are:

1. Who Am I- Casting Crowns (beautiful song!)
2. Gold Digger- Kanye West, ft. Jamie Foxx
3. Swing Life Away- Rise Against
4. You and Me- Lifehouse
5. Behind These Hazel Eyes- Kelly Clarkson
6. Holiday- Green Day
7. Beverly Hills- Weezer
8. Let Me Go- 3 Doors Down
9. Just A Lil' Bit- 50 Cent
10. Scars- Papa Roach

No, I do not consider these to all be fantastic songs, but they are the ones I am hooked on hearing right now. And, just to spice up the tag, I am also going to list SOME of my all time favorite songs...

1. Love Song- Tesla (I walked down the aisle to this song)
2. Duck and Run- 3 Doors Down
3. Sullivan- Caroline's Spine
4. Gimme 3 Steps- Lynyrd Skynyrd
5. Zombie Zoo-Tom Petty
6. Rainbow In the Dark- Ronnie James Dio
7. Backwater- Meat Puppets
8. Rhiannon- Fleetwood Mac
9. Anna Begins- Counting Crows
10. Hold My Hand- Hootie and the Blowfish
11. Your Winter- Sister Hazel
12. Out of My League- Stephen Speaks
13. Galileo- Indigo Girls
14. Who's To Say- Pat Green
15. Glory Days- Bruce Springsteen

Ok, so as the game goes, I tag the next person who has to post their list s0...

Greta, you are it! (because I figure you are the only one who will participate!)

my baby sister

2005-08-31T10:28:00.000-05:00

Taryn is gone. She packed up and left me. Tyler went with her, but she is coming back this weekend. Taryn is gone a long, long while. She accepted a job in Rome, Georgia (just outside of Atlanta) as an assistant Youth Minister. She and I both interned there, several summers in a row, but now she is official. She is going to finish up college there and work with their youth. I am truly heartbroken. I can call her whenever I want, but it will not be the same. I am not ready to discuss the sad points just yet, so instead I will post pictures of her "hitting the road".

We threw her a going-away party out at our house. I made her a Texas shaped Brownie. Man, I am amazing!!!

We also had dinner with the family that night. It was an Aloha party at my Aunt Cyd's. All was well, until the morning that she actually left. Lots of tears and hugs later, she was on the road, but not without a few last minute pics of the family- which was probably the first picture of us with our mom AND dad since I was about 5.

Taryn hugged on Maryn, who is going to miss her more then we will ever know. Maryn loves you AuntT and so do I. And then she drove off into the sunrise. I just talked to her, and they were almost to Little Rock, Arkansas. I will post more when it doesn't make me cry to think about.

OUCH!

2005-08-31T10:04:00.000-05:00

Branum has a gift for "accidents". It seems like he is always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Last Thursday was supposed to be his last day at Wet Texas Irrigation. I was pretty pumped because it is nice to have his help at home when I get off work. He started school on Monday and he will be student teaching so he can't work a full time job.

Anyhow, they decided to go golfing in celebration of his retirement. His boss likes the drink, and so does Branum. Therefore, we had a plan that I would pick him up from the golf course so that there was no drunk driving. I called him about 3:30 to see when they were going to wrap up only to get my call answered by a very stressed out Branum. He isn't one to freak out. I could imagine him being mad at his golf game, but this was a different sort of tone in his voice. When he told me what had happened, I thought that surely he was joking. Unfortunately, I never got the call back to clear the air. They had, in fact, rolled their golf cart.

Apparently, this would be the more appropriate vehicle for the two of them to drive on the course. Branum isn't light weight and neither is his boss. They probably shouldn't turn, on an incline, to go back for a ball. But, they did, and they rolled the golf cart. They turned it over on Casey's side, and Branum landed on top of Casey. It makes me nautious to replay in my head, so I won't, but Casey broke "the hell"out of his leg. He has been in the hospital since, having a rod put in to repair his tibia and fibia and a skin graph performed to close the incision. He will be in the hospital for at least a week, and in addition to Branum's guilt (because he was driving) he is now having to work as soon as the sun comes up until dark (with classes in between) so that Casey can eat when he gets out of the hospital.

I will be really excited when things consistently go right in our world. But, hey, what would life be if there weren't little bumps in the road.

Ghetto Luau

2005-08-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

I didn't name it that, they did. But, for the token white folks, that pretty much summed it up. Rich and Tiffany throw one hell of a party and I would drop just about anything to attend another, so get to steppin' Rich! I was the Spades champion and Branum took a serious run at the Limbo crown.

We also played Truth or Dare Jenga. That game can be dangerous. Immediately after Branum made the rule that you had to chug your drink if you pulled a red block, and then do what it said, he pulled a red block that said "Spin Around 10 times fast". He made it to 6 spins before he fell over the back of the couch and took out Nichole. A moment by moment account...

Anyhow, a "better late then never" post I guess. Maybe it will make for a touch of entertainment for you folks!

Show your support

2005-08-18T16:23:00.000-05:00

Here is the deal- regardless of your party affiliation or your opinion about our President, it would be an incredible opportunity for Texas Tech and the city of Lubbock to house the George W. Bush Presidential Library. You have a chance to show your support by going HERE and adding your name to the list. Please do it!

Maryn's 1st Day of School

2005-08-15T12:02:00.000-05:00

Maryn's first day of school
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

I am officially that Mom. The one who is dying to call and see how Maryn is doing or just drop by and take a peek inside her classroom. So far, I have resisted, but it has been hard.

This morning I dropped Maryn off for the first time with someone outside of the family. She is beginning Parent's Day Out, where she will be from 9-2:30 M/W/F. I am heartbroken. I know she will be fine, but it is so hard to just hand her off and hope that they take as good of care of her as I would. She needs the socialization and the interaction. She needs to get used to separation from Branum and I as early as possible so she doesn't have anxiety later in life. But, ouch, my baby girl is all alone in this world now. At least for a couple more hours.

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I don't think that I am built for that. I truly enjoy adult interaction and I like making my own living. But, I hate thinking about the milestones that I may miss out on while she is in someone else's care. Yesterday, out of nowhere, she decided to sit up on her own, unassisted. Wow. She is growing up so fast. She is ready to crawl, can stand up, balance and walk while just holding my fingers and she is starting to get her first teeth. My gosh, where did the time go.

clearly, i am bored.

2005-08-08T12:02:00.000-05:00

A-Z About Me....taken from Jess' website!

A-Z About Me!
A - Age you got your first kiss: 11, on the black top
B - Band listening to right now: Fall Out Boy on my Launchcast
C - Crush: Branum Noble...have you seen that hottie???
D - Dad's name: Tom
E - Easiest person(s) to talk to: probably my baby sister or Bran
F - Favorite bands at the moment: 50 Cent, Caedmon's Call, Jonny Lang, Blues Traveler and Counting Crows
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: Worms, for sure
H - Hometown: the LBK, bia
I - Instruments: the recorder...elementary school style. hell yeah!
J- Junior High: J.T. Hutchinson Junior High
K - Kids: I already have the most precious little 3 month old baby girl. I could stand to have one more girl but Bran wants a boy...we shall see!
L - Longest car ride ever: road trip to pick up Courtney from U of Michigan...my goodness thats a long ride!
M - Mom's name: Caryn
N - Nicknames: cay-scum, chipper, cayce may, sugar booger (dont ask!) and many more
O - One wish: to be independently wealthy...i dont care to be rich, i just want to have enough to not have monetary concerns except for how to spend my money!
P - Phobia[s]: snakes
Q - Quote: "I'm back by popular demand and sh*t" thank you Jay Z
R - Reason to smile: because life is good
S- Song you sang last: Lil' Bit- 50 Cent, 'cause i am a rapper
T - Time you woke up [today]: 6:00, 6:20, and got up at 6:40
U - Unknown fact about me: i have freckles on my eyes and no middle name
V - Vegetable you hate: broccoli, that stuff is SICK
W - Worst habit(s): biting my nails
X - X-rays you've had: knee: multiple times, shoulder: a time or two, teeth, nose: multiple times
Y - Yummy food: queso and ice cream- put me with on a deserted island with that stuff, and i am good!
Z - Zodiac sign: Libra

2005-08-08T11:22:00.000-05:00

Maryn Grace
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

i am like so ridiculously creative!

Bye Bye Carrie

2005-08-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

good times in the bathroom
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

We will miss you dear Carrie...here is our tribute...in the bathroom...love it!

I'M BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND AND SHIT!

sisterly love

2005-08-03T14:27:00.000-05:00

Sisters
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

my baby sister is leaving me. tyler has been gone for a while, and that was hard to get used to, but now taryn is hitting the road and i am heartbroken. i cant divulge details just yet, but she will be far, far away. i am so excited for her, jealous of the opportunity she is getting and sad as can be that i will not get to see her whenever i want to. dont worry maryn, i will take you to see AuntT and Aunt TyTy as often as possible.

Big D

2005-08-02T15:49:00.000-05:00

Drew, Rachel, Rylee, Me, Maryn and Branum at Razoo's

Taryn runs in the "the sphere" at my aunt and uncle's pool

Branum floats on Bob the dinosaur

Maryn on her first plane ride

country livin'

2005-07-28T10:19:00.000-05:00

i frequently curse country livin'. it is inconvenient, dirty, and we have to put up with a bunch of junk that city folk don't. but, nights like last night make it all worth while. a cool evening, good friends and horseshoes in the convenience of your own backyard...you just can't beat it! and man were the stars beautiful.

2005-07-27T09:40:00.000-05:00

Amelia Joy Sparks...

go to my flickr to see a couple more pics.

Uncle Adam, if you would prefer to have these pics on your site, let me know and I will email them to you.

in the middle of nowhere

2005-07-26T12:02:00.000-05:00

i have posted and deleted about 20 times. i go from angry to pitiful with no room for happy. that is just not me. i have managed to make myself sick worrying and stressing. usually a good cry will make me feel all better but i havent even allowed myself that. i have decided to use this as my outlet. i hope that i dont step on any toes, but for my own good, it is time that i am honest about what is going on. i hope that i can put my thoughts into comprehensible sentences.

i typically get really bitter about the hand that i have been dealt. i have experienced several events of great magnitude that each could have been the straw that broke the camels back. some that i have never shared with a soul and never will and some that would seem minor to someone else. regardless, they are the things that make me who i am which is why i am attempting to change my outlook. i have a really bad habit of always expecting the worst. i struggle to look at things in a positive light and take every little thing to heart until i collapse under the pressure. but i have really begun to see, and have always known deep down, that everyone is not out to get me. sometimes i just need to look at the bright side.

here we go, one issue at a time.

i am mad as hell that my stepmom is pregnant. i am even more mad that she is convinced that my dad missed out on my childhood because "he worked so much". that is some junk. my dad CHOSE to miss out on my childhood and continues to choose to miss out. this pregnancy is for completely selfish reasons and i feel incredibly sorry for what has been referred to as my "little brother". kim was a raging bitch about my pregnancy, out of jealousy, and now she expects me to care about hers? wow, i guess i am just not a big enough person to suck it up. dad, i hate that maryn is going to miss out on having her grandfather just like i missed out on having a father. but, trying to stay in a relationship with you is eating away at me. i will pray continually for your son, and pray that he survives you, but my family will remove its affiliation. we have too many incredible people dying to be a part of our lives to share with someone who makes no effort in return. i have always been the one who came back for another emotional beating time and time again, but i am through. as angry as i am, i thank God for this pregnancy. He has opened a door for me to walk out of. of course, i will love you forever but i will no longer let my feelings get hurt when i count on you for something and you let me down.

it may not be clear that i am looking at the bright side of this situation, but i am going to strive to be a better person in spite of my anger and that is a brighter place then i have been. i think the bright side is waiting, right over this bump in the road.

2005-07-22T16:57:00.000-05:00

its the weekend. have a good one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2005-07-21T08:43:00.000-05:00

Adam and Erica toast
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

to Adam!

Go Adam, Go Adam

2005-07-18T16:17:00.000-05:00

Adam breaks it down with the hula hoop
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

Its almost your birthday. Get busy.

helpin' white people dance...

2005-07-18T11:59:00.000-05:00

i had some fun on saturday that i regretted on sunday. ouch. what do you say we do it again next weekend???

i can only imagine

2005-07-11T14:48:00.000-05:00

Did his girlfriend break up with him?

Did he buy or steal that gun?

Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?

Did his mom and daddy forget to say 'I love you son'?

Did no one see the writing on the wall?

I'm not blaming anybody. We all do the best we can.

I know hindsight is 20/20 but I still don't understand.

My heart still aches. I still wonder why? I still can't listen to "I Can Only Imagine" without a flood of memories turning in to tears. It has been 3 years today since Jordan took his own life and left many people here on earth wondering what they could have done. He always had a void that no one could figure out how to fill.

I hate that he doesn't know Maryn and that my sisters have to hurt so badly everytime he crosses their minds. I hate that I never got to tell him thank you for the incredible impact he had on our father. I hate that his mother, who would have done anything for him, has to survive this world all on her own with nothing but memories. I hate that I couldn't do something to change his mind. But, most of all, I hate that I can't bring Jordan back.

How do you get that lonely?

How do you hurt that bad?

To make you make the call that having no life at all

is better then the life that you had.

How do you feel so empty you want to let is all go?

How do you get that lonely

and no body know?

--Blaine Larsen, "How Do You Get That Lonely?"

wow.

2005-07-11T10:10:00.000-05:00

showing off her beautiful smile (and dimples!)
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

her smile disarms me. what a beautiful creation.

2005-07-01T08:30:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE FLEEG!!!

2005-06-28T16:01:00.000-05:00

My baby girl is growing up way too fast...

8 Weeks Old

2005-06-28T15:55:00.001-05:00

Maryn
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

7 Weeks Old

2005-06-28T15:54:00.000-05:00

Maryn and JD
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

6 Weeks Old

2005-06-28T15:53:00.001-05:00

Maryn in Daddy's hat
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

5 Weeks Old

2005-06-28T15:53:00.000-05:00

Maryn Grace Noble 5/28/05
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

2 1/2 Weeks Old

2005-06-28T15:52:00.000-05:00

Maryn's First Bath
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

8 Days Old

2005-06-28T15:51:00.000-05:00

At Home with Maryn
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

3 Days Old

2005-06-28T15:50:00.000-05:00

Leaving the Hospital
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

45 Minutes Old

2005-06-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

Maryn's First Days
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

10 minutes old

2005-06-28T15:48:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday!
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

RIP Grandma Jean

2005-06-28T09:35:00.000-05:00

Grandma Jean and I were not very close. I am not very close to anyone on my dad's side of the family. But, yesterday still left me completely drained. It was not completely out of sadness that I had lost my grandmother, because hopefully she is in a better place, but because my dad's family is just so miserable. more on that in another post to follow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2005-06-21T12:20:00.000-05:00

chillaxin' in the pool
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

Happy Birthday to Branum! In his honor and for old times sake, we had a little cookout/party at the Seahorse swimming pool last night. So fun.

welcome to atlanta where the playas play...

2005-06-20T11:37:00.000-05:00

turner field outside
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

my husband is amazing. he took me on a surprise weekend getaway to atlanta for our anniversary. minus american airlines losing our bag on BOTH ends of our trip (hello travel voucher!) and us missing Maryn like crazy, we had an incredible time. you just cant beat a little quality time with the hubby. we didnt make it to music midtown but the braves game did not disappoint. i don't want to get into details because those are none of your business :) but i did upload the pics...be jealous!

Zane and Buddha

2005-06-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Zane and Buddha
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

2 bliss-filled years later...

2005-06-14T11:48:00.000-05:00

happy anniversary bran. you are amazing and i fall more and more in love with you everyday. thank you for always making me laugh and for being my rock. the last two years have been incredible and i look forward to many, many more to come. i love you.

2005-06-09T08:30:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZANE!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHATLEY!!!

2005-06-03T14:08:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEE!!!

beautiful baby

2005-06-01T16:09:00.000-05:00

(click the picture to be taken to flickr)

Maryn Grace Noble 5/28/05
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

diary of a baby- the first 6 weeks

2005-05-31T16:27:00.000-05:00

Maryn's First Bath
Originally uploaded by caycedilla.

Warning: the following post might be considered graphic by some, and it’s going to be long. This post has been “written” over the last 6 weeks.

I labored for more then 12 hours before they decided to wheel me to the operating room. Peanut was not coming without a fight. I had gone through 2 bags of pitocin (induction medicine) and had my water broken, but very little progress was being made. About half way through the day, I was ready for my epidural. I just thought I was tough but labor brought a new perspective. I was surrounded by family and friends and I have never felt more loved. I was comfortable but a little loopy. The epidural was my best friend. They should sell that stuff on the street! Then came the big decision. A c-section was calling my name. I lost it. I was crying uncontrollably but trying so hard to be strong. When they wheeled me into the hallway and my closest family and friends stood by, I couldn’t stop shaking. Then I was all alone. Branum was left in the hallway while they strapped me down. This was way worse then “Baby Story” could have ever demonstrated. I was so drugged and numb that I couldn’t even feel them begin to cut my belly open, but I smelled the burning flesh. Branum watched in awe as they moved my insides and such out of their way. I watched his eyes. “You are going to feel a lot of pressure Cayce.” Dr. Broome practically jumped on my belly and pushed and Dr. Burley yanked. There she was. Maryn Grace Noble. The little being that had been developing inside of me for the past 9 months. Amazing. I will never forget that grin on Branum’s face. I have never been more in love. We made a family.

The first two weeks were the most difficult, most humbling string of incoherent hours of my life. I have never been more exhausted, more sore, more excited, more terrified, more tearful or more thrilled. My first look into her eyes sent me spinning. (No, seriously, spinning. Then I puked. But that’s a different story.) That moment, when we locked eyes, was the most amazing experience of my life. It was as if everything that had happened before that moment happened decades ago.

All is not perfect, of course. My bedside table was covered in pill bottles and I couldn’t walk without being bent halfway over. The ache of the incision was intense. Tears flowed with no explanation and I felt such frustration at the mere thought of not having a clue as to how to be a mother. Oh yea, and breastfeeding is a bitch. Excuse my language but I can’t even begin to describe the pain associated with it. I wish I had some imagery to provide for you, but there is nothing that compares. Those first days in the hospital are almost unbearable. My new little precious angel spent hours and hours gumming my boob, all to no real avail. The doc says that this is the most important time for a brand new baby so I gave it the ol’ college try. With all the misery, I can’t comprehend what also makes it so wonderful. However, with every cringe comes a smile, as I get the pleasure of watching our tiny little child flourish on something that only I can provide. God works in mysterious ways.

She needs everything provided for her. Every little thing. And it is my job to be her provider. Waking every 2-3 hours to feed Maryn is very difficult and yet a complete pleasure. She needs me which makes sleep seem overrated. She is 100% dependent upon what I can give which makes me want to give 110% of myself. When she curls up in my arms, I just stare at her beauty. How can something be that incredible at that God awful hour of the morning? And how can something so little do that kind of damage to a perfectly good diaper?

There were moments when I thought that things couldn’t get any worse. The UTI and fever, extremely painful incision and complete lack of sleep made me want to throw in the towel. If I didn’t have the most adorable child in all of the world I would have already asked for my money back. All of that misery AND an ugly baby? That’s totally grounds for suing God. (That last part was paraphrased for my own use from dooce because that is just plain funny!)

I never knew that I could love someone so intensely. I used to laugh at people who referred to themselves as “So and So’s mom” but now I couldn’t be more proud. I am Maryn’s mom and there is nothing more important in my earthly life (other then loving my husband). I spend hours on end just listening to her breathe. I can’t stop kissing on her little forehead or holding her tiny hands. She is the most perfect creation in the entire world and the most innocent little bundle of coos, cries and completely involuntary grins. My heart breaks every time she frowns and I can’t imagine her ever doing any wrong in my eyes. No wonder parents let their kids get away with murder. Thank you for failing me miserably Ortho Tri-Cyclen, because I have never felt more fulfilled.

I have already forgotten how much I hated life during those first few days. It pales in comparison to the blessing that is my daughter. I would move mountains for her just to watch her precious little faces as she falls asleep and I have only known her for 6 weeks. It saddens and excites me to watch her grow. She has already rolled over, and she crawls all over her crib. Each day when I pick her up after work, she has changed. Time flies and I can't relive any of the moments that I miss. I just pray that I am doing it right.

memorial day weekend

2005-05-31T08:51:00.000-05:00

i love long weekends. this one was wonderful. i got extra time with the hubby and our little one, and we had a great gathering on sunday. for those who didnt show, your loss, and dont try to mimic the genius that was kiddie pool baseball. the fun can not be imitated. we will play again this saturday afternoon however. you better hope you get invited. i kid, i kid.

yep

2005-05-25T09:01:00.000-05:00

memorial day party. our house. sunday. BBQ. drink. slip n' slides and kiddie pools? holla at me.

elementary school

2005-05-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

what a flashback.

zane was the only survivor on his wagon. branum got typhoid fever and maryn broke her arm, but we all made it safely in my covered wagon. greta got lost a time or two, and my hunting skills were seriously lacking but those are just the things you have to deal with on the OREGON TRAIL!

pictures

2005-05-20T11:57:00.000-05:00

i updated my flickr...check it out...

big gulps huh?

2005-05-18T12:13:00.000-05:00

its time for a new post but you people better keep going to look at pics of my little miss maryn. i will update flickr soon!

i dont even have anything exciting to say. my life revolves around my little girl and its crazy. nothing that i do these days is any entertainment for anyone else. but, just so you know, maryn is perfect. i am back at work (started back on monday) and i miss "little bit" more then i can say.

anyone want to go see the doobie brothers at buffalo on memorial day weekend? $5 a cooler and you can stuff anything in that you want, except glass. oh yea, and $27.50 a ticket. oh oh oh, china grove.

baby Maryn

2005-04-28T19:25:00.000-05:00

My first attempt at pictures

its official

2005-04-18T09:02:00.000-05:00

thursday is the big day. since i am on bed rest, my docs do not anticipate labor occurring any earlier. so, we will check in at 4:30 a.m. on thursday (or possibly wednesday night) and have a baby by thursday afternoon. i am giddy.

yuck

2005-04-12T13:47:00.000-05:00

i am on complete bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. stuck laying on my left side (literally, only laying on my left side) all day long. i am only allowed to get up to take care of "personal hygiene" and go to the doctor. yup, thrilling. but, the good news is that i am having pretty regular contractions so it could be any day now. they will still induce on the 21st unless things get worse with my blood pressure, etc. so, 8 more days at the most and baby peanut will be here.

changes

2005-04-01T09:32:00.000-06:00

i changed the title of my blog because all i talk about is baby peanut. and what do you people care anyhow?

the new title is appropriate because peanut did actually turn and is no longer breech. excellent. no c-section in the immediate plans.

a few rants and raves

2005-03-22T10:01:00.000-06:00

*first off, a baby update. peanut is breech. breech means that he/she has not turned and started its way down the birth canal which it should have done by this time. if he/she has not flipped by next thursday then we will be scheduling a c-section. baby noble will be here in no time.

* i love march madness. i watch tech basketball (men and women) all year long but i watch everyone come march madness. i dont know what it is, but i get caught up in the "madness". march on red and lady raiders.

*i am so sick of hearing about terry schiavo. i feel for both sides and dont know exactly who to believe, but i know the one thing that pisses me off: big brother (our government) getting in the middle of it. even more frustrating is that it is the republicans that decided to get involved. i am a republican, but that is not the business of my party damn it. they are usually the ones against big government, thankfully, but now the right to life argument has clouded their judgement. which, leads me to my next rant/rave.

*baseball makes me very happy and its almost opening day. i am giddy as a school child. preseason baseball just isnt the same. however, the steroid junk makes me very unhappy. again, NOT OUR GOVERNMENT'S PLACE TO BE. (refer to previous paragraph) if steroids are illegal, then prosecute the guys who get caught. baseball should be suspending players if they are breaking the law, period. you dont get 4 strikes in the real world, that is for damn sure. i hate that all the records that have been shattered might have been shattered because of enhancement drugs. that makes me sad. but, time and time again parents blame celebrities and athletes for their children's decisions on things such as steroids. every sport has its bad guys and its good guys. if your child idolizes barry bonds or mark mcgwire, might i suggest that you sit down with them and tell them that their idol is not perfect. and you better make it clear where you stand on things such as steroids. cause you know what? it is YOUR responsibility to raise your own child. do i wish that these celebrities and athletes would cherish their status and use it for good, absolutely, but i cant force them to. that said, i still love baseball. i could sit and watch baseball for hours. the field is tranquil and the sport is an art. heck, how many girls do you know that are begging their husbands to spend their anniversary at a baseball game?

*my little sister got engaged. kinda crazy. i wasnt really geared up for that, but her fiance is a really good guy. they are not in any hurry for the wedding so i have some time to get used to the idea.

that is all i have for this round. hope you enjoyed.

ultrasound

2005-03-08T14:17:00.000-06:00

we got an ultrasound today, which was crazy cool. the baby is so big! all of the vital parts are present and accounted for, so thats great news. we got to look at the little heart beating, see the kidneys and bladder, etc. anyhow, it was nifty. they measure the legs, head, abdomen and such in order to determine the baby's due date. apparently our child wants to meet us a little earlier then we originally thought. they think our due date is now more like april 17th instead of april 26th. most of yall are probably thinking, big deal, 9 days, what difference does it make. well, that means that the baby will be full term on march 27th and could come anytime after that point. that's like 2 1/2 weeks away folks...SCARY and very exciting. little peanut weighs 5 lbs. and is crammed nicely in my ribs. comfy. his or her head is in the left side of my rib cage, spine runs along my breastbone and its rear end is in the right side of my rib cage. if you continue the C shape around, you will realize that its legs are planted firmly on my bladder. of course, as if "peanut" is already taking after his or her father, it appears that our child has fetal ADD. chances are he/she will flip and flop out of and into that position many times throughout the day! anyhow, just thought yall should know.

also, my stepmom is not real fired up about me being prego. i dont know if i have covered that or not in a previous post. anyhow, apparently she had decided that she wanted a baby so now she is mad that we are pregnant instead. anyhow, she is getting much better and actually starting to be nice to me again. that was until the due date changed. my dad is planning to head out to a motorcycle rally in junction with all his buddies on the 15th. this is kim's FAVORITE weekend of the year, when she usually redecorates the whole house and takes a break from my dad. oops, now my due date is smack in the middle of his planned trip.

alrighty then...

2005-02-28T09:35:00.000-06:00

What my baby looks like at seven months...

i should change the title of my page to "baby or something like it", that would probably be more appropriate for my most recent postings. today will be no different.

about a month ago i was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. that means that i have diabetes throughout the course of pregnancy and they should go away as soon as i give birth. lovely. i get to prick my finger and check my glucose at least 6 times a day. no fun. i have a strict diet that i have to follow too. that also means i get to go to the hospital twice a week, in addition to regular doctors appointments, to be monitored. they watch the baby's heartrate, my heartrate, my blood pressure, contractions and baby's movements. its kinda cool but it takes quite a chunk out of my work week. most people would love that, however, that means that it is taking a chunk out of my vacation and comp time which i have been saving up to spend with the little one after he/she is born. its a little frustrating. let's see, what else? everytime i stand up, i have to pee. seriously, everytime. the baby's head is hanging out in my rib cage. ouch. and, a good portion of the time that the baby is kicking and moving around, it feels as if he/she is yanking on all of my insides. but, it is quite cool to see little hands and feet protruding through my tummy. i almost have an outtie too. crazy. hopefully i didnt glamorize pregnancy too much through that little rant! also, prayers for my friend jolee (who is also prego) and i as we are both running great risk of finding out that we are going to be put on bedrest. that would SUCK! on a positive note, we have pretty much finished the nursery and now i am just waiting on my aunt to bring me the crib bedding. hopefully, fingers crossed, she will bring it all with her this weekend to my shower!

branum went to ruidoso this weekend and skiied it up. i am so jealous. i just thought i would toss that in.

10 weeks

2005-02-11T14:20:00.000-06:00

i have struggled since the moment we found out that we were pregnant to admit that i was excited about being pregnant. its hard. no one else seems to be on the same page. granted, i have other friends who are pregnant or already have kids but i never knew how left out i would feel. even though the bulk of our time is spent with other parents or parents to be, i still feel like i am missing out on something. every time i talk about being pregnant, i preface it with "well, it wasnt planned" or "stupid birth control" instead of just being honest with my emotions. i am thrilled to be pregnant. i feel incredibly, INCREDIBLY blessed. as a matter of a fact, i consider myself quite lucky to be married to such a wonderful man and to be able to have a child early in my life and in my marriage. how great is it that i will still be young as my child grows up. heck, if things work out as planned, i just might be a MILF! however, all of my life i have been surrounded by people telling me to get out of lubbock, be independent, etc etc etc. you know what? i like it here. so, i have come to a conclusion and here is my little analogy...if i am reading a book and dont like the twist or turn that the book takes, i dont throw it down and give up. i read on to find out what happens next. in my case, that might be more applicable to watching a movie, but you get the point. if i trust the author then i trust that i will be pleased in the end. that said, Jesus is the author and perfecter of my faith(Hebrews 12:2) and therefore my life. so, who am i to decide that i dont like the direction that my life is taking me? i refuse to Bible beat or pretend like i have been real fired up for God lately, but it is time that i take a step back and realize the blessings that i have in my life. feeling like i am missing out or trying to cover up for my lifestyle choices to please those around me is ridiculous. my husband builds fences and puts in sprinkler systems for a living. he is not always the most cooth individual and sometimes he is a little country but he loves me unconditionally and i return that love. i am lucky to have such a handsome man be so in love with me even though he can be loud and obnoxious at times. i live in the country outside of idalou, texas. was that my dream? absolutely not. i thought i would be off galavanting around the world but instead we are remodeling our tiny house in the country. and you know what? its not half bad! not many people get to lay down and stare at the stars or build bonfires as big as the neighbors house in their backyard. i can't drink, or even go anywhere drinking takes place because that usually means smoke. plus, i am usually in bed by the time people are getting together to go out. do i feel old and left out? yep! there was a day when i could go out and still manage to make it to work at 8 a.m. those days are gone and alcohol is not an option even if i wanted it to be since i am prego. but guess what? i have a living, breathing thing growing inside of me. i am responsible for a little miracle and that is way cool. in 10 weeks i will be holding a teeny tiny little human in my hands and i will love that little thing more then words can express. i am so lucky. i didnt plan it to happen this soon, but if i had the opportunity to plan it, it might not have ever fit into my schedule. that is why i resolve to just be blessed and trust the outcome. you always want what you dont have so i am going to try my best to just be pleased with what i have. i apologize for the rant but when i had the chance to take a step back and look at my life, i realized that i had no room to whine or feel sorry for myself. and, the truth is, i dont really have time. life is busy passing me by and i am missing it while i sit around comparing my life to others and wishing i had more or different. thats it! i am through. i resolve to be happy.

ummm

2005-02-01T10:21:00.000-06:00

*branum's truck sold in 3 days. pretty sweet.

*our house remodel is almost complete. the nursery is painted and we put down the wood floor. now we just have to put up trim and finish assembling the crib. its beautiful.

*greta got to watch the new year's eve video. it was fun to make fun of her :) just kidding gret-nuts.

*my aunt's (on all sides) are throwing me a baby shower. i am really excited, however, that means that family from all sides will be there. that could be trouble.

*branum and his dad are still considering this monster house thing. i really want bran to do it. he would be awesome at it and very entertaining. many of you witnessed the fire incident on new year's so you know that the ratings would be super high if he pulled off some of those antics on tv. plus, they win some super cool stuff.

*its snowing and i love it. i just really wish i was at home, cuddled up under blankies, watching a movie.

*branum got his first fence of the season. that is super exciting. if you or anyone you know ever needs a fence call A Noble Fence Co. at 743-8783.

*i think it is clear that my life is BORING.

i owe you

2005-01-24T09:33:00.000-06:00

i feel as if i owe my faithful readers a new post, even though i dont have much to say. i go read all of y'all's blogs and enjoy reading them, regardless of how entertaining you think they are (ERICA!) so, here you go. hope it makes for at least a few moments rest from the boredom that is work.
*branum's truck is for sale. somebody please, please buy it. 1991 (i think!?) white, GMC, 4X4, extended cab, blue cloth interior, low miles on new engine, everything you can think of has been replaced or repaired in the last year or so, so its like a brand new truck. also, for those looking for "compensation"- 4" suspension lift, bigger then factory tires, and a big ass grille guard. anyhow, its a wonderful truck, and it is running great! hollar if you or someone you know might be interested. it is parked at his brother's house...45th and flint...if you care to take a look!

*our house is like a new house. we have been doing quite a bit of construction, gearing up for baby. the nursery is getting "taped and bedded" today which means that a professional comes in and fills in the giant gaps between pieces of sheetrock and textures the walls. we need the help of a professional because branum and his buddies had the help of mr. royal, crown royal, when they were attaching said pieces of sheetrock. anyhow, that means that next weekend i can start working on putting down the new wood floor and then painting the walls. things are moving along quite nicely. we also added a pantry to our kitchen and tore down half of the wall between the kitchen and living room, and made a bar to sit and eat at and watch tv. lovely. it makes our kitchen look much bigger too. however, that means that the chalkboard that you folks so sweetly signed at new years is now at the dump. sad times. we will have to do it again sometime!

*for those of you wishing to buy me presents (or those of who are just bored on the internet), i have almost completed our baby registry listings at babies r' us and target. just look up cayce noble! i havent added vital things such as diapers and wipes yet though. i will get to that eventually. (by the way, i am just playing, you dont need to buy me anything...)

*hmm, when to have a new years eve party video watching party? any suggestions? i guess i could just give someone the tape and y'all could watch it on your own time. i will do some thinking about that.

*my little sister called saturday night to let us know she was with owen and luke wilson. kinda cool. they had invited her and her friend sarah to sit at their table instead of waiting for one and then bought them a drink. i think they went out after that too, but i dont have the most recent update. what is it with being tall, blonde and strikingly beautiful that makes you get all of the attention?

*monster house is coming to lubbock. have you ever seen that show? well, its awesome and you should try and catch it someday on discovery. anyhow, i signed branum up to be on the crew. he will love it!

that is all ive got for now. as it looks right now, i may post random ramblings all day just so that i can stay awake.

baby update

2005-01-14T14:36:00.000-06:00

i went back to the baby doc this week and the appt was much better then the last. i took my lil' sis taryn along with me so that she could hear the baby's heartbeat. that is one of the most incredible things ever. anyhow, things are looking good. i finally caught up to my weight gain parameters. oops. at first i was under, by far, but christmas apparently took a toll. oh well, its my only chance to eat whatever i want and not exercise and have a good excuse! but, things are right on schedule and i got many an apology for last appt's fiasco. it made me feel better. my doc took a look-see at my sonogram just to verify that all is well, and she said everything looked great. i go back in three weeks to drink a nasty glucola drink and then be checked for gestational diabetes. hopefully there will not be any problems there. i am just short of 6 months along. it will not be long now.

branum and i have some friends who are also pregnant (ryan and jolee...you might have met them at new years?) branum and ryan are best friends, and like typical boys, they have some healthy competition over just about everything. well, jolee and i might be part of the catalyst seeing as how we are also HIGHLY competitive. that said, they found out they were pregnant right after us and thought they were due on may 20th. haha, we win! they had their first sonogram on wednesday and now it appears that they are actually due april 21st. damn, they are winning by 5 days. but, as branum says, he got his wife prego on the pill and they were actually trying. rock on, we win again! we have to birth our kid first dang it! just thought i would share.

exciting times

2005-01-11T14:27:00.000-06:00

chick-fil-a is back open on campus. i could hardly wait until the lunch hour to venture to the student union. i can't hide my enthusiasm. working in the administration building is nice again. i can just walk to my favorite fast food place anytime i want it. they are even serving breakfast. if you people have never had a chicken biscuit, you are sure missing out! seriously, life is all better now that chick-fil-a is back. i just hope that not too many people find out so that i can have it all to myself.

also

2005-01-06T09:25:00.000-06:00

lee posted about his launchcast player and i am going to follow suit. for the most part, mine plays what i want to hear. sometimes it plays awful hard rock songs that i cant listen to at work but right now it is playing one of my top favorite songs of all time...solsbury hill by peter gabriel. holla if you hear me. name one of your most favoritist songs of all time that most of us have probably never heard...

face...wicked burn

2005-01-06T09:22:00.000-06:00

go check out facebook or click on the link to your right that says "Find your friends". facebook is crazy cool. i dont totally get it but its fun to find people that you havent talked to in forever. i need to put a pic up on my profile but i dont have one. i should find some hella hot chick and pretend its me. nifty.

ketchup

2005-01-03T09:15:00.000-06:00

i am exhausted. i thought this week off of work would be relaxing but i am back at work, more tired then ever.

new years was surprisingly calm. most of the folks i knew that i could count on to get wasted and make idiots of themselves (including my husband) were pretty well behaved. kinda sad. however, i had a darn good time and we have great video...thanks adam, greta and pepper. i particularly like the shots of the fire at the end of the evening when i had retired back to the house. lee even took us up close and personal with the bonfire when he decided to run across it with the camera. at least i think it was him. anyhow, thanks to all who came out and i hope you all had a great time. i know i did. but i never want to stay up that late again as a pregnant woman. all i drank was hot chocolate and i still woke up hung over. also of note, apparently i stayed standing and did a little too much through out the day and night of new years eve. my leg used to fall asleep after about 10 minutes of walking around and would wake back up when i sat down (the baby is sitting on some nerve that puts my leg to sleep). well, now it never wakes up. its totally numb. i hope i dont crash and burn cause i cant feel my left leg.

christmas was lovely. we made just enough cash on the deal to get back to even...gotta love being broke!

i am going to dallas this weekend with my mom and sisters. it should be fun times. hopefully i will come home with a crib and such.

it's a wonderful life

2004-12-22T09:49:00.000-06:00

i just got an email that i get to go home at noon because of the snow stuff. rock on. then my boss followed up with an email from san diego saying that i should go home now. well, she is the boss, i guess i will do what she says.

email me if you still need directions to my house for new years eve and you do not know my phone number.

Christmas vacation

2004-12-20T14:04:00.000-06:00

this may be my last post until january 3rd, unless something crazy exciting happens that i just cant wait to tell you about.

if you are coming out for new years eve, leave me a comment or shoot me an email so i can send you directions to my house. please do come, it will be lots of fun. also, dont forget its BYOB for the basics. we might have some stuff, but not much. we will have ice, blenders, etc just bring what you need to make your favorite concotion. and bring some chips or something, if you dont mind, so we will have something to snack on. we will provide champagne for the toast. wear warm clothes as most of the party will take place outside. mostly for the girls: i would suggest durable shoes as the trek to the bonfire might be muddy or snowy depending on how the weather cooperates. i also might suggest bringing lawn chairs to sit around the bonfire in. we will back up all vehicles with a tailgate but chairs are nice too! if i think of anything else, i will let you know on here. but, please comment or email if you are coming so we can clarify directions before i am out of reach for the Christmas holiday. see y'all soon!

psycho ho beast

2004-12-16T13:26:00.000-06:00

i went to the baby doctor yesterday. it was not a pleasant experience for the most part. here is a little background information...

my main doctor is a very wonderful woman named ronelle burley. she rocks as far as ob/gyn's go. but, when you are preggo, you switch between all 3 of the doctors in her practice so that for sure one of the doctors is on call when you go into labor. seems like a really great idea. it is, except when you get the rotation where you have to see the evil wench they call dr. weitlauf.

now, back to yesterday. lets just say i am hoping and wishing and praying and planning that i will NOT go into labor when dr. weitlauf is on call. i was really excited to get another sonogram and see little peanut in action once again. a sonogram makes things so real it is unreal. so, first of all they reschedule my appt because they had forgotten to plan for a sonogram. ok, that is fine, i dont get the afternoon off of work, but thats ok. i go at 4 and wait for a while, just to go back to a room to wait a little longer. finally it is my turn on the ol' sonogramer. branum and i are watching intently as peanut appears on the screen. everything is looking good...2 arms, 2 legs, organs are in their respective places and things are great. we get to see the little heart beat and dr. weitlauf starts measuring things. she measures the baby's legs, haughtily laughs and says "short legs". at first, i thought that was no problem cause i am a bit short. however, i asked her to clarify rather or not she was talking about abnormally short or what. no answer. well fine, i guess i will try not to worry about it too much. just to reiterate, i am a giant sack full of hormones. i have been pretty tolerable but please dont mess with my mind, cause i cant handle it. so, we carry on. towards the end dr. bitch (as i will now refer to her) asks if i have any questions, to which i respond "nope. if everything looks good, then i am good" and this is her response..."well, dont get me wrong, i cant promise that it will not have cleft pallet or a heart disease." holy crap! are you kidding me? do you realize that i am a first time mom and every little thing freaks me out!? do you not deal with new mother's all day everyday and you dont have any better bedside manner. i wanted to puke. now i just want to hit her. so, not only might we have a deformed child (thank you for the little reminder weitlauf!) but it also has short legs. lovely.

but, since i am hot and so is my husband, i trust we will have a hot child (this is me trying to convince myself that everything will be ok). i will post the sonogram pics as soon as i can get them scanned.

nothing new

2004-12-14T13:05:00.000-06:00

i realize that i owe you folks a new post, but i really have nothing to say that wouldn't be a repeat of the last several weeks.

work has been relatively nuts. we are officially the office of community relations now, which is much easier to say then community and multicultural affairs. things are still strange though so i am waiting to see how it all plays out.

"peanut" is moving all over the place. it is a crazy feeling. i get to go to the doc tomorrow and have another sonogram. i cant wait to see how much the little one has grown. speaking of baby, i went to register at target last night with my sis-in-law who has much more baby experience than i. it was great, except when i checked the registry this morning online and it was not there. apparently i wasted several hours and i will now have to repeat the cycle.

don't forget about new years eve...the bonfire pile is growing.

playing grown up

2004-12-06T13:52:00.000-06:00

i am 20 weeks along. that means i am halfway there. crazy. i have been buying maternity clothes, working on the nursery and eating way too much so i am guess i am pretty geared up. my sis-in-law is going to go with me this weekend to register for bottles, blankets, strollers and such. that sounds kinda exciting. she already has a little one so she has experience which will be quite helpful. anyhow, just an update. we get another sonogram next week so i will try and post a copy of it so all of my faithful readers will feel involved!

another reminder about new year's eve...i am serious...you are all invited. please come. it is going to be a lot of fun. branum is calling it "our last babyless bash" so dont miss it! i am probably going to continue to post all about it so no one has any excuse to not know about it. seriously, please come.

tear

2004-12-01T13:04:00.000-06:00

i didn't mean for my last post to sound so pitiful. i am really excited about having a baby, and i have absolutely adored almost all of the process. i just feel like i was forced to grow up instead of having some choice in the matter. the funniest thing is that i am not missing out on anything that i was actually doing. branum and i still have great friends, they just are not going through the same things we are. i am fine with not drinking...not a problem cause i didn't do it that often before either. however, i can't go out for pizza cause it gives me heartburn. i can't get dressed up for a nice dinner because i can't afford maternity clothes and nothing fits my fat belly. and i can't hang out around alcohol, where most of my friends are, because there is usually smoke associated with that. am i back to the pity party? my bad. i am just letting you people know what is in my head. and the hormones are raging. that said, someday, most of y'all will be going through the same things we are. we just get to blaze the trail. i am blessed and i know that. this baby thing is going to amazing and incredible. not to mention all those people who we couldn't hang out with will be coming to see us cause they can't wait to meet the new little one and then who will be the winner!? ME! i am mostly just joking around but i feel as if this might be once again interpreted as negative. sorry folks, i really am ok, great actually. i don't think it is even the baby thing that is making me feel left out. i think this just happens to me on occasion, and i feel pitiful and jealous for no real reason. i am over it. officially, right now, i am over it.

we have been gathering wood for the bonfire. it is pretty big thus far so that is nice. based on our current winter status, it looks as if we may have another firework/bonfire/snow show for new years. awesome. i really hope all the people who say they are going to come really do. its going to be a blowout. i love having stuff at our house because it is sorta our chance to show off. that sounds strange, but i really look forward to a huge group being there. by the way, for you boys, branum has been working very diligently on getting girls to join the party. he has invited ladies from class, etc so that there will hopefully be some intermingling. we have gotten complaints in previous years for having too many males and not enough females. fine with me, but i guess i dont count. ok, this post is really long, so that is all!

hmm...

2004-11-29T15:50:00.000-06:00

thanksgiving was a welcome break. i rested up and worked my tail off all at the same time. for the most part, my family is pretty incredible. i, generally speaking, enjoy spending time with them. this was the most restful thanksgiving i have had in years. my dad, stepmom kim and grandma were out of town at another aunt's house so we actually had a significant break in the action. typically we would go straight from one thanksgiving to another from noon to nine or so. this year we ate at noon and had time for a nap before the next big event. quite nice.

we worked like crazy on the nursery and made quite a bit of progress. it was kind of a special time for me. first of all, we decided to sell all of our beer "stuff" including our flouresent lights which were originally intended for the game room. the game room construction has been indefinetely postponed due to impending child responsibilities, if you catch my drift. anyhow, i told branum that we could totally store these things until we had the chance to build our dream game room. he wasn't interested. even if we had just what we wanted, he still doesn't want our child growing up around coors light signs and hooters girls. wow. what a turning point. for both of us. we have to grow up. i am really struggling with that. i am not too sure i am ready, but i guess i am going to need to step it up. i find myself almost angry about all the things i am missing out on. i feel so incredibly blessed and yet i feel as if i am being left behind. branum is my best friend, and pretty often my only always there friend. that is quite sad. but, he is the only one who really understands. we had good times this week and i think the realization that things are really changing finally hit home. as stressful as it may get, and as crazy as we may go, branum and i are going to do great. that feels good. even though we might be the only ones around for it.

who'da thunk it

2004-11-19T16:10:00.000-06:00

i went shopping today at lunch. as if that is not shock enough, i actually found some maternity clothes that i like. i am so pumped. but, as if that was not enough, i found the diaper bag of my dreams. that is correct, you read right, of my dreams. i am not even playing. it is so perfect for me that i traded a nice pair of pants so that i could afford said diaper bag. i guess i am going to be a good mom afterall. because you see, a nice diaper bag means a nice baby. ok, maybe not, but still, it is a great bag!

wanna hear something funny?

2004-11-19T10:56:00.000-06:00

i have a very funny aunt-in-law. she really is smart, but sometimes you just never know what she is going to do. she works at LCU and was sitting on 19th about a week ago, about to turn in when she got hit by a tech kid who was in a hurry to get to a test. head on collision while sitting in the turning lane. now that is bad luck! anyhow, she got a rent car for the time being. she is driving a spectatular mini-van that she just loves. it is a perfect replacement for her denali...or not! anyhow, she went to the gas station a couple of days ago to fill it up. there was only one pump open so she pulled up. she noticed some bright pink posters on the pump so she knew she had to pay special attention because she figured something must be going on if they have these bright signs on every pump. however, the sign only said something about paying with a credit card at the pump, and prepaying inside. something pretty typical. she carried on. she lifted the handle and attempted to begin filling her rent car. well, the nozzle was too big to fit in the "gas hole". wondering why that would be, my dear aunt decided that it must be a "rental car thing". she concluded that the rental car companies must make the hole smaller so as to force the renter to stand by the car instead of getting back in or leaving the car unattended while filling. you know how most gas stations have all those warnings about stuff like that. semi-legitimate reasoning i guess. anyhow, she decided to go ahead and basically spent quite a while shooting the gas into the hole. that meant that most of the it ended up on the ground. after a good amount of time, she looked up to see how much she put in so far to find out she had only managed to get 7 gallons, at least 4 of which was on the ground. well, about that time she also noticed the large print writing right under the bright pink sign...DIESEL. oops! she had been filling her rent car with diesel gas, therefore explaining why the nozzle was bigger...to protect against that very thing! hilarious. anyhow, she had to have her rental vehicle towed and has a new one now. so freakin' funny. it was even funnier when i busted out laughing at the story in the middle of the family gathering before the funeral i was attending yesterday afternoon. oops.

country living

2004-11-17T08:36:00.000-06:00

my dear hubby bought me a present on monday. i was so excited cause i thought i would maybe, finally, be getting xm radio. no such luck. i will have to wait for christmas on that one and if not christmas, then i will save it for the day when i buy myself a present. anyhow, i got something much more practical for "country living". thats right, a 38 special. i have been staying at home alone at least one night a week recently, while branum goes to work at the old folks home. at the request of my dad, grandfather, and myself branum came through with a cutesy little handgun for his girl. rock on. you see, we have been robbed twice. it is pitiful. we have one neighbor and nothing else for miles and yet they pick our house. apparently we have done too good a job of refurbishing our house. but, if anyone drops by now i dont have to go find and load the shotgun. we can save that gun for deer. so, if you ever choose to venture out to my place late at night, you better announce yourself, LOUDLY! yea baby, cayce's got a gun!

just another manic monday

2004-11-15T15:05:00.000-06:00

i always post on mondays and today is no different. this weekend was absolute madness and i am so relieved that it is over. although, the rest of this week will probably not be rest for the weary. i went to a beautiful wedding on saturday night and the reception was wonderful as they always are. it was also good for reminiscing with some old friends. i was sick for most of the weekend with an ear infection. i want you all to know that i struggled to spell that word correctly as i much prefer the derogatory spelling and conversation to follow. i hope you are on the same page!? anyhow, i am back to work with not a single good story to tell, once again. oh well. hopefully life will liven up soon. i hope your weekend was good.

what a wad of flavor

2004-11-09T10:51:00.000-06:00

my hubby dips copenhagen. gross. terrible habit. anyhow, our two year old nephew took his can and dumped the contents on the ground. pretty stinkin' funny. branum didn't think so.

i got to wear my first pair of maternity pants yesterday and they rock. i dont know that i can ever go back to pants that make me suck and tuck! i am wearing another pair today and i am so comfy.

branum and i are now working nights in order to get some money back in the bank. we stay from 7pm to 8am a couple nights a week at "the Noble Home" which is an assisted living home that his momma runs. old people are not my bag baby! the first night i was on edge and did not sleep a wink. therefore i got to hear one of them moan all night, and another one get up to pee in the pot beside her bed several times. that is pleasant to listen to...NOT! the second night i decided to just try to sleep through it. i did, and woke up the next morning to find out that two of them had gotten up and wondered around the house at about 3 am. oops, missed that!

i am 16 weeks pregnant today, making me basically 4 months along. pretty crazy.

begin to prepare for the annual BFE New Year's Eve party. it shall be wonderful as always and everyone is invited. bon fire, fire works, champagne...can't beat it! plus, there are several pregnant women who will be there partying the night away on sparking grape juice which means we will have a designated driver shuttle. what a deal! seriously, it is the party of a lifetime so everyone should come!

yea, i know

2004-11-04T13:46:00.000-06:00

i said i wasn't going to blog anymore, but you people just miss me too much. nah, just kidding, i just really wanted to tell a funny story.

branum and i have a friend named jeremy. he is really funny and is also a member of our OC fan club (which, by the way, premiers tonight...ROCK ON!) oh yes, and he is one of branum's employees. ok, so anyway, jeromo as i like to call him, is a big fan of the alchy-hol. he and his buddies often go out drinking...similar to many friends that i have, but that is not the point. jeremy tends to get in a lot of trouble when he gets drizunk. a couple of weeks ago, instead of showing up for work, he called his boss branum to come and bail him out. well, this past weekend he took it to a whole new level. he and his buddy hank decided they were hungry and left their friend's house to go to Josie's at about 3 in the morning. their friend lives at 17th and Quaker but apparently the Josie's on 34th and Q was more convenient then the one on 19th. so, both hank and jeremy, completely wasted, head out for some burrito's. they arrive at Josie's, place their order and put the truck in park to wait. that is jeremy's last official memory of the evening. as he has pieced it together his evening went on like this...

...he woke to a police officer standing at his passenger side window. the officer asked that he and hank step out of the car. they each tumbled out. as it turned out, they never left Josie's. they had both passed out at the drive through window. the employees had been running orders out to people while jeremy and hank slept in the truck. the cops couldnt "technically" ticket them. the truck was in park and they had not witnessed them driving. lucky bastards. obviously, they werent going to let them drive off however. hank managed to call the house where they were staying and ask for a ride. the cops told them if they could get someone there to take them and their vehicle in 10 minutes they would let them off. ONE of their friends was sober. since he now had responsibility for jeremy, hank and hank's truck, he decided that he should run to Josie's. are you kidding me?! run from 17th and Quaker to 34th and Q!? dumbass. but, they didnt get a ticket or arrested. pretty lucky if you ask me. i cant think of one friend who would run that far just to pick me up. most of them would ask to speak with the cop, and then let him know that they would be by in the morning to get me. freaking hilarious.